Wednesday, June 20, 2012

Wow

I just realized that I published my last post in January. That's a really long time ago. I apologize to all of my loyal readers, who now have no idea what is going on in my life because I don't post it on my blog.

My two-year stint with my therapist ends today. I surprisingly feel nothing. I think I am supposed to be sad that this whole thing is coming to an end, that I will now have to find a new therapist (or find ways to handle all of my issues on my own... good luck with that). I'm sure it'll hit me once I walk into her office though. I will probably never see or speak to her again. It's like a break-up that's been a long time coming, but without all of the drama and tragedy of my past break-ups. How depressing.

I do hope to write in the blog more often as a result of this. It's an outlet for me to write out things that I can't necessarily talk about to someone in person. (But somehow I feel comfortable writing it on a blog for the entire world to see. Go figure.)

On to the post now, for reals...

Taylor got married this past weekend. It's so weird to think that up until last year, I was hoping that he would work through his shit and his problems and realize that he needed to dump his girl for good. But then he told me to essentially eat bleach and die, and that was that. So now he's married. (Evidence of proof here, or at least the cake. Could've been from someone else's wedding, but I can only figure his girl would choose the terrible teal/Tiffany blue color. Barf.) And while I don't give one iota about him, I can't help but think to myself how someone like him, Taylor Heim, this person who said he cared about me then treated me like shit and an insignificant piece of nothing, can find happiness, get married, buy a house, have a successful career, and be making it? And George, who is married with two children, is on his way to becoming a doctor and making the big bucks? Do your actions in a previous relationship not matter at all? Is there no such thing as relationship karma? How do these people deserve to have all the happiness in the world after what I was subjected to while with them?

What about me? I finally find a guy who is wonderful, who treats me like a princess, constantly tells me how amazing and beautiful I am, genuinely cares about me and my happiness and making me happy. But we can't be together because he has issues that are bigger than the both of us.

What happened? I know that "my prince will come" and it "isn't my time yet" and that I'll "meet that special guy" at some point in my life. But I'm 27. I've gone through enough relationship drama to last me a lifetime. The more I wait, the more I think to myself that my time is running out, and that I may never meet the right guy. I did meet James at a time when I was least expecting it, and it has turned out to be the best relationship I've ever had. Who knows what might come out of it down the road.

But in the mean time: blurgh.

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